Storm Warning: The Bridge is closed.

Those who are familiar with GTA:Vice City will know about the initial stages of the game where Tommy Vercetti,the protagonist is roaming about in Vice City after the bungled-up deal from which he escapes alive.
Those who dont know, Vice City allows the player to roam around the city, exploring on foot or bikes or scooters or cars,or speedboats or helicopters,or.. ok,LATER! This Game i love!

There's this bridge to the mainland which is closed to traffic in the initial stages of the game.

And as an explorer, how much ever you want to cross over to the mainland, from the small island you are on.. you just cannot. Atleast it seems to you that way.

I have tried it at different times of the day (which means that i have tried to cross the bridge to mainland when it is 'daytime' or 'evening' or 'night' in the game :) )

The bridge is always blocked with those wide road barriers with the notice - "BRIDGE CLOSED" on them. I have tried crossing the barriers-
on windy nights..
on rainy,stormy nights..
I have tried crossing the barrier on foot..
Tried Jumping over the barrier after running towards it at full-speed.

Tried Riding a bike at the barrier at full-speed hoping that the bike(one of those Harley-Davidson -type cruiser bikes) would crash into the barrier,but i would fly past the barriers.. to no avail of course. I only lost health in the process.
Tried Driving a Taxi into the barrier(yeah, i dont know what i was thinking when i tried that.)

Why am i writing about a road barrier in a computer game in a blog that's supposed to talk about doubt?

Oh, :D i guess i screwed up this one trying to draw a parallel between the road barrier and the 'thick' unbelief about God and about the Bible i often experience in my mind.

* Are the Gospels not man-made fabrications, half-truths about Jesus ?
* What if this Christian phenomenon is somehow a big lie?
(I never ask- " what IF it's all true? " :) )
* How come some of my problems are not going anywhere inspite of my belief in such a wonder-working and loving and merciful God ?
* I wanna be healed of this sickness NOW. If there's anything true, i WANT that NOW!
(That sounded more like a boss,shouting to his secretary than a man pleading to his God..!)


To me the Road barrier to that Bridge in Vice City represents the hard-core unbelief that i often face in my walk in belief in Christ.

And well, it's usually during hard times that such terrifying unbelief occurs to me.. i so often splash into my ceaseless stream of thoughts and scream within me..

" Boy, That WAS SOME real Unbelief. How could you even THINk of so degrading, so thoughtless and so faithless a thought about your Lord God? You are no better! "

Guilt comes running to embrace me and my thoughts.
I should be running to God at these times.

There's usually nothing i can do but stare at the bridge that can lead me to mainland.
I cannot see where the bridge leads, but i know its a place called Belief.
I want to go there.

Only all i can focus in this storm of unbelief are the storm warning barriers.
Unbelief doesnt go that easy.. I have stared it it in the face for ages, or so it would seem.
I often think that I, as a Christian, have treated God unfairly.
I never used to exhibit such behaviour when i never knew who Jesus was.

If it was a case of breathlessness, it used to be-
"Aww man, this is so suffocating. I cant help it. I need the inhaler right now! It hurts so bad..!"

And now,after trusting God with my life and future, it is usually-
"Oh man.. i cant breathe at all.. Lord, help me! Cant YOU see?? I am your child! I am suffocating! Please heal me now..
WHY should i use the inhaler. Heal me completely and for ever Lord.. please!!
WONT YOU HEAR ME?"

:) How terrible na?

Yeah, with the kind of Track record God has had in History to do miracles, it's well, kind of justifiable, this kind of whining from my side..
OF COURSE I Expect Him to Flash and Bang my sickness, My Storms away.

But i guess God would have expected this behaviour too when he took me under His wings.

As for this storm now, i know i dont Deserve to survive it, but then i never deserved my God.
He took me inspite of what i am.
So i will wait.
I will explore the city and wait for the Storm to blow away.

The presence of the Storm of Unbelief maybe the very indication that it never belonged to this city.
It has to leave.

Thats my only hope.